Bless the Lord!

Day 4 postop…
Today was the first day I've fixed my hair and put on makeup since Tuesday.  It felt so good!  It took me longer than usual to dry and style my hair.  It's hard to imagine how little strength and stamina one has after going without any sustenance for several days.  But I got it done!  I started on my clear protein drinks, which aren't horrible, but I can only drink small sips at a time or I get nauseated.  Actually, it feels more like a spasm more than nausea.  So…it takes a LONG time to drink a 10 oz drink.  This is totally new for me because I love to drink!  I'm not confessing to alcoholism, but rather stating that I constantly have some hot or cold liquid to drink.  I usually get my money's worth from the outrageous cost of a glass of tea in a restaurant.  They might as well just give me that pitcher of unsweet tea with a straw and some lemon slices and call it good!  A minor adjustment, but my body keeps me in check.

Such a wonderful time of worship at Bethel Assembly of Anson today!  Our awesome worship team led us into the presence of the Lord beautifully as always.  I was moved to tears during "10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)" because of the overwhelming realization that God has blessed me with such an awesome gift!  I will be healthy!  I will be fit!  I will feel good and feel good about me!  I'm already feeling much better about me.  I mentioned in a previous post that I did this, not because I don't love myself, but because I do!  I want to live to enjoy playing with my grandkids (who are still just a glimmer in their daddies' eyes).  I want to grow old with my sweet man and be that cute old couple walking arm in arm.  And in everything I do, I want to glorify God!  I can serve Him so much better when I am healthy!  Guess we just had a little church in here!

This is an exciting week because I will return to work on Tuesday for a morning seminar and then be back full-time on Wednesday.  PLUS I get to move back to full liquids on Wednesday, which means I can have my creamer in my coffee again!!!  Celebrate good times! Come on!  Nothing makes me smile like my peppermint mocha creamer in my cup o joe!  It's the little things.  Tis the season to be thankful, right?

TTFN!  Blessings y'all!

Let'r Rip, Tater Chip!

Day 3 postop…
We made the trip from Decatur to home on Thursday, just 24 hours after my surgery.  The night in the hospital was probably exhausting for Todd, since every time I awoke, I wanted to walk.  The goal was to move the gas out of my largely inflated abdomen.  Of course, the ways that gas moves out of the abdomen are less than ladylike…you burp or you fart.  Pardon my vulgarity, but I'm just calling it like it is.  So…I walked every chance I got. And when I was finally able to expel some of that gas, there was a huge celebration!  Any nurse will tell you that celebrations are in order for passing gas and pooping.  On more than one occasion, I have declared to my patients who have accomplished these goals, "Let'r rip, tater chip!"  That always seems to lighten the mood and lessen the embarrassment because, let's face it, tooting, burping, and pooping are taboo outside the hospital walls.   Sorry for that, but Hey!  It's real life!

Anyway, WOW!  That went south, huh?  My surgery went just as expected, and I was back in my room before noon where Todd and Emily were waiting for me.  Emily was thoughtful enough to record some of the wisdom I shared under the influence of anesthesia and my Demerol PCA.  Apparently, as I entered the room, I asked the nurses, "Did they tell you I wanted to keep my excised stomach?"  WHAT?!?  Evidently no one else got the message because I left the hospital without that piece of anatomy.  Other Missy-isms include: announcing "I brought Q-tips," stating that "I started to ask if it was a boy or a girl," and telling my family "You might have to remind me to breathe."  Evidently, I kept my family entertained.

Life after surgery has proven to have its own set of challenges.  I am NOT hungry, yet I know I have to constantly keep something in me.  I am supposed to squeeze 64 oz of water per day into this tiny, swollen pouch of mine that was once a stomach.  The tricky part is finding something that doesn't trigger nausea.  I have discovered that orange and lime sugar-free popsicles are tolerable, as well as raspberry lemonade and lemon-lime G2 Gatorade. As I write this blog post, I am sipping spring water from a champagne flute.  Fancy!  So far, nothing chicken flavored is appealing.  Tomorrow or Monday, I will try my clear protein drinks to see if there is anything palatable.  I have several to choose from, so hopefully, I will find some that I love.

Walking is GOOD, and I really enjoy it.  The cool, autumn weather makes it even more enjoyable.  In fact, I think it's time to get up and go for a little walk.  It's time to let'r rip, tater chip!

This Just Got REAL!

I had myself the best little nap EVER this morning!  Emily dropped me off at Wise Regional Health System for my EGD (scope down my esophagus) at 6:30 a.m. sharp.  I sent her to the Golden Arches to get herself some breakfast.  No sense in both of us starving.  I sat down at a window to be checked in for my procedure, and was slapped in the face by the overwhelming smell of peanut butter as the considerate lady slid her window open to greet me.  REALLY?!?  I haven't had anything solid in a week, and you wanna sit there and eat peanut butter in front of me?  Anyway…as I was telling her my name and birthdate, I heard someone say, "Is that Missy Lewis?"  I turned to see the familiar face of a sweet nurse/friend with whom I used to work.  Such a small world!  She was having her actual procedure done today.  

Being a patient can be difficult when you are a nurse, but I think I did a great job.  I let that nice pre-op nurse start my IV without offering any suggestions on which vein she should use.  I allowed her to tell me what to expect in layman's terms without trying to impress her with my own knowledge.  I even asked for help walking to the bathroom so the hospital could keep its incidents of falls at a minimum.  When the CRNA came in to introduce himself, I caught Emily checking out his left ring finger, only to find a silver band there.  AND she happened to snap a photo.  That helped her feel better about having to get up so early. Never a dull moment!

Back to the nap, though.  So, the nurse wheeled me into the procedure room for my EGD (which was an interesting vantage point, I might add; being on the gurney instead of pushing it.  I saw Dr. Stowers standing there in his superhero cape, talking to another guy.  Wait!  Maybe the superhero cape is imaginary, but after tomorrow, I'm afraid he will have attained superhero status in my book!  Anyway, the nurses began putting oxygen on me and explaining the bite block, etc.  One nurse said, "I'm going to give you some medicine, and it might be a little warm in your IV, but it won't last long."  I was like, "OK" (or something like that around the bite block).  I remember thinking, "I'm pretty slee…" That was IT!  I was OUT!!!  That was the easiest and BEST sleep I've ever had!  I know now why Michael Jackson liked that propofol!  JK!  JK!!!

After my short recovery period, Em and I came back to the hotel and crawled into our respective beds.  We both felt it might be hard to go back to sleep, so Em played some white noise, a thunderstorm, on her phone.  That second nap was almost as good as the first!  

Now, as I write this post, I am alone in the hotel, having sent Todd and Emily to get a bite to eat.  I just couldn't bear sitting in another restaurant eating the broth off one of the soups on the menu while, all around me, others are eating delicious solid food.  I am drinking a fuzzy navel (protein drink, not OJ and vodka) and contemplating how my life is about to never be the same.  For a while, it won't matter to me that I can't eat food, but slowly, I will transition back to real food.  The cool thing is that my new "pouch" (what they call the remainder of my stomach) will only allow me to eat small amounts of food.  And if I disregard its cues that I am full, it will turn on me, tossing that food back out.  Gross, I know, and that is one of my least favorite things to do, so I will listen.  I will obey.  

So, this just got REAL!  Tomorrow is the beginning of a brand-new way of life for me!  I cannot thank God enough for this tool to help me be healthy and fit!  I will honor Him with my body and treat it as the temple He created it to be.  Let's do this thing!

Soap Box

Day 3 of Pre-op Diet...
Yes, I know! This should actually be day 7 according to my last post, but I decided not to be such an overachiever.  Technically, it was not mandatory for me to start until Wednesday, but I was excited and thought it would be a good idea to get a jumpstart.  Apparently, my stomach thought that was the dumbest idea it had ever heard, because it began its most valiant efforts to destroy me from the inside out!  Long story short, I decided that seven days of liquids were quite enough, so I had me some chick-fil-a on Monday and started Wednesday.

This final countdown to the big day is both exciting and a little terrifying.  This evening, as I tidied up my office and locked the door behind me, I was overcome with the realization that when I return to work on November 5, I will be...different.  Hunger will feel different.  "Full" will feel different.  My clothes and my skin will begin to fit me differently.  There will be less and less of me...the physical me, that is.  And as that part of me begins to disappear, the inner me will become more and more free.

Stay with me here.  I know some may be saying, "You should love yourself just as you are," or "Beauty is only skin deep."  Well, I say "YES!" to both statements.  I do love myself.  I just don't love what I have done to myself.  All those years of eating my feelings and overindulging have piled up on me and hidden me, the REAL me, from sight.  And as for beauty only being skin deep, (My grandma always said, "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." Haha!  Oh, He! I miss that lady!)... Sorry!  Bunny trail.  Now, where was I?  Oh, yes!  Beauty is only skin deep, but if that skin has layers of adipose tissue (aka "fat") underneath it that are weighing you down and causing you physical pain in simple daily activities such as walking, it is difficult to inhabit your inner beauty.

I must enter a disclaimer statement here.  This is NOT for everyone!  My decision to have this surgery is exactly that... MY decision.  I am choosing this because I feel it is the best option for ME.  I have chosen this, not because I don't love myself, but because I DO, and I want to live my life free of diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, high cholesterol, and all the other potential killers caused by obesity.

I know there are many women (practically all of us) whose struggles are much like my own, and my hope is that NOT ONE OF YOU will interpret my writings as bashing those of us with weight issues or food addictions.  Furthermore, there are so many vehicles out there for healthy weight loss that are not as drastic as the one I have chosen to take.  My desire is that sharing my struggles and this journey will be an inspiration to anyone who deals with these issues to rise above them. And when you fall, RISE AGAIN!

Do I think this will be easy?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  I know better.  I have walked this road with my daughter, and it was anything BUT easy.  I do, however, think this will be a tool that I can use to help me be healthier, live longer, and feel better about myself, and I plan to use it to its fullest extent.

Now, as I step down off my soap box, it's time for a delicious protein shake.  I think I'll put some ice in it so I have something to chew on.
Blessings!

All Good Things Must End…To Allow Great Things to Begin!

October is my very favorite month of the entire year!  I wish every month could be October!  In West Texas, October is when autumn, my favorite season, really begins to reveal itself.  Halloween is in October. (I LOVE Halloween!) Pumpkins are everywhere in October. (I LOVE pumpkins!) Browns, reds, yellows, and oranges are the primary colors of October. (You guessed it, I LOVE those colors!)  AND my birthday is in October!  The 27th to be exact!  Who doesn't love their birthday?

October 2014 will be an especially memorable one to me, as it is FULL of change!  Thursday, October 16, 2014 was my last day as a hospice nurse.  Though I have worked in hospice less than a year, I have had a heart for end-of-life care the majority of my nursing career. There is something unexplainably beautiful and fulfilling about helping a dying person make that journey into eternity.  Hospice is not just about death and dying; it is about life and living it fully to the very end.  It is about providing comfort and dignity to the one leaving this earth and peace and reassurance to those being left behind.  I will forever treasure the friendships and deep bonds made during my short time as a hospice nurse, as well as my long time as an oncology nurse; and I look forward to meeting the beautiful souls of those whose journey ended under my care when my time on earth is over.  This good thing, being a hospice nurse, is now a precious part of my past.

As a good thing ended, a great thing has begun!  I am now fully stepping into my new role as Nurse Recruitment and Retention Officer at Hendrick Medical Center!  I am still pinching myself because this great thing does not seem real!  This new position takes me away from the bedside, caring for patients, and puts me on the front lines of caring for the caregivers.  My responsibilities include recruiting new and experienced nurses to our amazing organization and developing ways to retain them.  I am ecstatic about this great new thing because it is right up my alley!  

I love new nurses! I love their enthusiasm, their passion, their fresh knowledge!  I love how they bring new ideas into our workplace.  I love how they are still in love with nursing.  

I love seasoned nurses, as well.  Their expertise, life experiences, and deep-rooted passion for one of the toughest professions on earth are the qualities that make them heroes, placing patient care ahead of their own needs.  (Just ask any nurse - sometimes we only pee once in a shift.  Of course, that's usually because we never had time to eat or drink anything.)  These folks are the ones who work in the trenches, and it is not always pretty.  To be the face of these heroes of healthcare at Hendrick Medical Center is one of the greatest honors I have ever received!

Last night, my family and I celebrated these endings and beginnings.  We also celebrated my birthday…10 days early.  I requested this early celebration because last night was also the end of a lifetime of weight struggles and the beginning of a new way of life.  I have written about my battle with my weight many times, but this time is different.  This morning, I began a 10-day liquid diet to prepare me for another great new thing…vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  On October 29, 2014, two days after my actual 48th birthday, I will have 80% of my stomach removed.  This weight-loss surgery will be a tool that will help me achieve my goals of being fit and healthy FOREVER!  There will be more about this, probably so much more that my three followers will unfollow me. :)  I will blog about it, though, for myself and for anyone else whose life might be touched or changed.

For now, though, I am embracing my new role, adapting to a Monday-Friday, 8-5 work week, learning about spreadsheets and powerpoint presentations, establishing contact lists, and trying to put together outfits daily from my scarce wardrobe. (I'm not buying anything because I'm about to become the incredible shrinking woman!)  

Thank You, Jesus, for the memories of good things past and the promise of great things to come!

Blessings!

Empty Nest…Again

September 29.  Today marks the beginning of a series of major life changes scheduled to take place in my otherwise ordinary life.  I will just begin with what is actually happening today.  Emily, my youngest, is leaving the nest…again.  This beautiful, free-spirited child of mine could not wait to fly out and begin her own journey when she graduated high school!  Independence and Adventurer are her unofficial middle names. (D'Shea is her official middle name, about which she has never been completely happy. But that's a whole blog entry of it own.)  She flew through many adventures, landing back in the nest a couple of times to regroup.  The details of that journey are hers to share, but my role in that journey is that of the mother whose nest has been emptied more times than should legally be allowed.

"Empty Nest" syndrome is very real.  We bring these little angels into our lives who are fully dependent upon us, only to have them morph into younger versions of ourselves (with attitude and confidence on steroids).  Those mini-me's begin tugging against the reins of our influence at the exact same time their bodies and minds are developing at awkwardly warped speed.  Before we can adapt to these mirror images of us we are loading their belongings into the back of a pick-up and waving good-bye as they drive off into the sunset.  That leaves us, the parents, the nurturers, picking up the pieces of our hearts off the ground and trying to help each other piece them back together into something new that isn't wrapped around that human being who has been the center of our universe for the past 17-18 years.  The first time this happened, when our eldest, Eric, moved away to college, I probably would have moved in with him if I could have.  Of course, that would have been weird, but HEY! Desperate times call for desperate measures!

OK.  I know I tend to have a flare for the dramatic, but isn't this essentially what takes place?  At the end of this day, Todd and I will have experienced this phenomenon a total of 5 times…with 2 children! And though the first two times were the hardest, each time requires a period of adjustment…and a period of recovery after moving furniture!  We aren't getting any younger after all!  We are, however, very proud of both of our kiddos!  Both are business owners, responsible, and terrific human beings!  We are enjoying watching them "become".

More change is coming, too!  I start a new, exciting job one week from today!  And ONE MONTH FROM TODAY, I am going to do something that will forever change my life!  Don't let the suspense kill ya!  Stay tuned!

Now I must put on my tennies and get ready for some seriously hard work!  It's moving time!

Step 1

Vulnerable. Complex. A little (or a LOTtle) Wacky. If I were asked to describe myself in three words, those MIGHT be my choices. Many of you journeyed with me last fall as I ditched sugar in my 21 day sugar detox. What you didn't see was how I plummeted back into my pit of bondage during my Dad's illness and subsequent death. It's the typical story...one enchilada plate at Abuelo's leads to a cheeseburger and fries, which lead to a downward spiral back into the abyss from which I had been rescued. Before you know it, eating healthy, wholesome foods doesn't seem enticing because you are so numbed by sugar and toxins in the man-made foods that you can't even feel the agony in your own body. It's crying out to you; begging you to stop! Silently shouting, "ENOUGH!"

I can no longer ignore those cries. This aching, exhausted, dying body of mine can take no more. Food has been my god for too long. I have made a conscious and deliberate decision to change my lifestyle...for good. This transparency takes more guts than one can ever imagine, because I have tried and failed so many times. To do this publicly, yet again, is a little terrifying, to say the very least.

This time is different. This time, I understand that I cannot do this in my own strength. I am getting to the deep roots of my addiction to food, my self-loathing, my feelings of inadequacy. This time, it's not so much about losing weight (although I would be lying if I said that wasn't one of the main benefits I'm hoping for). This time, I want to GAIN! I want to GAIN a closer, completely dependent relationship with God. I want to GAIN strength: physical, spiritual, emotional. I want to GAIN confidence in knowing that I AM good enough, and that I don't have to be perfect because I am made perfect through Christ Jesus! I want to GAIN time - time on this earth in a healthy body to enjoy the multitude of blessings God has given me. I want to GAIN, yet lose myself in Him!

Because of my apologetic nature, I am tempted to apologize for the length or content of this post, but I offer no apologies. I KNOW there are others out there who struggle with similar issues to mine, and if just one person is touched, and a life can be changed through the sharing of my journey, HALLELUJAH!!! This battle I wage is not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities of darkness. This battle belongs to the LORD! He goes before me and guards behind me. His desire is for me to be healthy and strong. I declare that for myself and for anyone who is reading this and needs to hear it.

So, for anyone who wants to join me in this journey, COME ON! If posts like mine drive you crazy, don't read them. I won't bore you with what I ate for lunch or what workout I just did. I simply desire to share my heart, encourage those of you who need it, and receive any encouragement you feel led to give. Every journey begins with a single step (can't remember who said that). This is step 1.