This Just Got REAL!

I had myself the best little nap EVER this morning!  Emily dropped me off at Wise Regional Health System for my EGD (scope down my esophagus) at 6:30 a.m. sharp.  I sent her to the Golden Arches to get herself some breakfast.  No sense in both of us starving.  I sat down at a window to be checked in for my procedure, and was slapped in the face by the overwhelming smell of peanut butter as the considerate lady slid her window open to greet me.  REALLY?!?  I haven't had anything solid in a week, and you wanna sit there and eat peanut butter in front of me?  Anyway…as I was telling her my name and birthdate, I heard someone say, "Is that Missy Lewis?"  I turned to see the familiar face of a sweet nurse/friend with whom I used to work.  Such a small world!  She was having her actual procedure done today.  

Being a patient can be difficult when you are a nurse, but I think I did a great job.  I let that nice pre-op nurse start my IV without offering any suggestions on which vein she should use.  I allowed her to tell me what to expect in layman's terms without trying to impress her with my own knowledge.  I even asked for help walking to the bathroom so the hospital could keep its incidents of falls at a minimum.  When the CRNA came in to introduce himself, I caught Emily checking out his left ring finger, only to find a silver band there.  AND she happened to snap a photo.  That helped her feel better about having to get up so early. Never a dull moment!

Back to the nap, though.  So, the nurse wheeled me into the procedure room for my EGD (which was an interesting vantage point, I might add; being on the gurney instead of pushing it.  I saw Dr. Stowers standing there in his superhero cape, talking to another guy.  Wait!  Maybe the superhero cape is imaginary, but after tomorrow, I'm afraid he will have attained superhero status in my book!  Anyway, the nurses began putting oxygen on me and explaining the bite block, etc.  One nurse said, "I'm going to give you some medicine, and it might be a little warm in your IV, but it won't last long."  I was like, "OK" (or something like that around the bite block).  I remember thinking, "I'm pretty slee…" That was IT!  I was OUT!!!  That was the easiest and BEST sleep I've ever had!  I know now why Michael Jackson liked that propofol!  JK!  JK!!!

After my short recovery period, Em and I came back to the hotel and crawled into our respective beds.  We both felt it might be hard to go back to sleep, so Em played some white noise, a thunderstorm, on her phone.  That second nap was almost as good as the first!  

Now, as I write this post, I am alone in the hotel, having sent Todd and Emily to get a bite to eat.  I just couldn't bear sitting in another restaurant eating the broth off one of the soups on the menu while, all around me, others are eating delicious solid food.  I am drinking a fuzzy navel (protein drink, not OJ and vodka) and contemplating how my life is about to never be the same.  For a while, it won't matter to me that I can't eat food, but slowly, I will transition back to real food.  The cool thing is that my new "pouch" (what they call the remainder of my stomach) will only allow me to eat small amounts of food.  And if I disregard its cues that I am full, it will turn on me, tossing that food back out.  Gross, I know, and that is one of my least favorite things to do, so I will listen.  I will obey.  

So, this just got REAL!  Tomorrow is the beginning of a brand-new way of life for me!  I cannot thank God enough for this tool to help me be healthy and fit!  I will honor Him with my body and treat it as the temple He created it to be.  Let's do this thing!

Soap Box

Day 3 of Pre-op Diet...
Yes, I know! This should actually be day 7 according to my last post, but I decided not to be such an overachiever.  Technically, it was not mandatory for me to start until Wednesday, but I was excited and thought it would be a good idea to get a jumpstart.  Apparently, my stomach thought that was the dumbest idea it had ever heard, because it began its most valiant efforts to destroy me from the inside out!  Long story short, I decided that seven days of liquids were quite enough, so I had me some chick-fil-a on Monday and started Wednesday.

This final countdown to the big day is both exciting and a little terrifying.  This evening, as I tidied up my office and locked the door behind me, I was overcome with the realization that when I return to work on November 5, I will be...different.  Hunger will feel different.  "Full" will feel different.  My clothes and my skin will begin to fit me differently.  There will be less and less of me...the physical me, that is.  And as that part of me begins to disappear, the inner me will become more and more free.

Stay with me here.  I know some may be saying, "You should love yourself just as you are," or "Beauty is only skin deep."  Well, I say "YES!" to both statements.  I do love myself.  I just don't love what I have done to myself.  All those years of eating my feelings and overindulging have piled up on me and hidden me, the REAL me, from sight.  And as for beauty only being skin deep, (My grandma always said, "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." Haha!  Oh, He! I miss that lady!)... Sorry!  Bunny trail.  Now, where was I?  Oh, yes!  Beauty is only skin deep, but if that skin has layers of adipose tissue (aka "fat") underneath it that are weighing you down and causing you physical pain in simple daily activities such as walking, it is difficult to inhabit your inner beauty.

I must enter a disclaimer statement here.  This is NOT for everyone!  My decision to have this surgery is exactly that... MY decision.  I am choosing this because I feel it is the best option for ME.  I have chosen this, not because I don't love myself, but because I DO, and I want to live my life free of diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, high cholesterol, and all the other potential killers caused by obesity.

I know there are many women (practically all of us) whose struggles are much like my own, and my hope is that NOT ONE OF YOU will interpret my writings as bashing those of us with weight issues or food addictions.  Furthermore, there are so many vehicles out there for healthy weight loss that are not as drastic as the one I have chosen to take.  My desire is that sharing my struggles and this journey will be an inspiration to anyone who deals with these issues to rise above them. And when you fall, RISE AGAIN!

Do I think this will be easy?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  I know better.  I have walked this road with my daughter, and it was anything BUT easy.  I do, however, think this will be a tool that I can use to help me be healthier, live longer, and feel better about myself, and I plan to use it to its fullest extent.

Now, as I step down off my soap box, it's time for a delicious protein shake.  I think I'll put some ice in it so I have something to chew on.
Blessings!

All Good Things Must End…To Allow Great Things to Begin!

October is my very favorite month of the entire year!  I wish every month could be October!  In West Texas, October is when autumn, my favorite season, really begins to reveal itself.  Halloween is in October. (I LOVE Halloween!) Pumpkins are everywhere in October. (I LOVE pumpkins!) Browns, reds, yellows, and oranges are the primary colors of October. (You guessed it, I LOVE those colors!)  AND my birthday is in October!  The 27th to be exact!  Who doesn't love their birthday?

October 2014 will be an especially memorable one to me, as it is FULL of change!  Thursday, October 16, 2014 was my last day as a hospice nurse.  Though I have worked in hospice less than a year, I have had a heart for end-of-life care the majority of my nursing career. There is something unexplainably beautiful and fulfilling about helping a dying person make that journey into eternity.  Hospice is not just about death and dying; it is about life and living it fully to the very end.  It is about providing comfort and dignity to the one leaving this earth and peace and reassurance to those being left behind.  I will forever treasure the friendships and deep bonds made during my short time as a hospice nurse, as well as my long time as an oncology nurse; and I look forward to meeting the beautiful souls of those whose journey ended under my care when my time on earth is over.  This good thing, being a hospice nurse, is now a precious part of my past.

As a good thing ended, a great thing has begun!  I am now fully stepping into my new role as Nurse Recruitment and Retention Officer at Hendrick Medical Center!  I am still pinching myself because this great thing does not seem real!  This new position takes me away from the bedside, caring for patients, and puts me on the front lines of caring for the caregivers.  My responsibilities include recruiting new and experienced nurses to our amazing organization and developing ways to retain them.  I am ecstatic about this great new thing because it is right up my alley!  

I love new nurses! I love their enthusiasm, their passion, their fresh knowledge!  I love how they bring new ideas into our workplace.  I love how they are still in love with nursing.  

I love seasoned nurses, as well.  Their expertise, life experiences, and deep-rooted passion for one of the toughest professions on earth are the qualities that make them heroes, placing patient care ahead of their own needs.  (Just ask any nurse - sometimes we only pee once in a shift.  Of course, that's usually because we never had time to eat or drink anything.)  These folks are the ones who work in the trenches, and it is not always pretty.  To be the face of these heroes of healthcare at Hendrick Medical Center is one of the greatest honors I have ever received!

Last night, my family and I celebrated these endings and beginnings.  We also celebrated my birthday…10 days early.  I requested this early celebration because last night was also the end of a lifetime of weight struggles and the beginning of a new way of life.  I have written about my battle with my weight many times, but this time is different.  This morning, I began a 10-day liquid diet to prepare me for another great new thing…vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  On October 29, 2014, two days after my actual 48th birthday, I will have 80% of my stomach removed.  This weight-loss surgery will be a tool that will help me achieve my goals of being fit and healthy FOREVER!  There will be more about this, probably so much more that my three followers will unfollow me. :)  I will blog about it, though, for myself and for anyone else whose life might be touched or changed.

For now, though, I am embracing my new role, adapting to a Monday-Friday, 8-5 work week, learning about spreadsheets and powerpoint presentations, establishing contact lists, and trying to put together outfits daily from my scarce wardrobe. (I'm not buying anything because I'm about to become the incredible shrinking woman!)  

Thank You, Jesus, for the memories of good things past and the promise of great things to come!

Blessings!