My Chains are GONE!

Do you know what you were doing one year ago today?  On October 29, 2014, I was most likely dragging my poor husband and an IV pole down the hallway of Wise Regional Medical Center in Decatur, TX.  Of course there is also the very real possibility that I was sleeping off a dose of pain medicine from my PCA.  Today is a huge milestone in my life!  It is the first anniversary of the gastric sleeve procedure that changed, and most likely saved, my life.  It was, without a doubt, one of the single best things I have ever done for myself.

On my birthday of 2014, Emily and I made the trip to Decatur for my pre-op appointment.  I weighed in at 231 pounds, the absolute heaviest I had ever been in my life.  The next day, I had an EGD, a scope down my esophagus and into my stomach, to check for a hiatal hernia.  Emily took this photo of us later that afternoon as we were preparing to go out and do a little shopping to kill time.

Those pants and the top were size XXL

That evening, Todd joined us in Decatur.  On Wednesday, October 29, we all woke up early to head to the hospital to check me in for the surgery.  I will spare you all the details, but I will say that Dr. Scott Stowers and his amazing team took me back into the OR and removed 80% of my stomach.  The staff of Wise Regional Medical Center took wonderful care of me, as did my sweet man.  I vaguely remember my sister, Heather, and stepmom, Pam, coming to see me.  (Demerol is a fabulous medication...especially for a lightweight like me.)  I do remember being extremely THIRSTY!  I was not allowed to have even an ice chip by mouth.

The next morning, my nurse brought me something I absolutely could not wait to get my hands on...WATER!!!  ONE. WHOLE. OUNCE!!!  I sipped on those 30 mL of that cool, clear liquid as if they were the last drops on earth!!! After a nice warm shower, lots of discharge instructions, and a quick nap, we headed home.

This past year has been one of the most exciting of my life!  As the pounds melt away, my confidence and self esteem have increased exponentially.  Each milestone has brought with it a new level of freedom.  My joints and bones no longer scream at me as I get out of bed or walk from my car to my office.  I no longer get short of breath during that walk, either.  I have gone from being able to consume only about 1/8 to 1/4 of a cup of food at each meal, to about 1/2 to 3/4 of a cup.  I have just learned to choose my very favorite bite each time I put the fork to my mouth...just in case I cannot take another.  I'm kind of a cheap date.  I often just eat part of Todd or Emily's meal if they are ordering something I like.  I still do not dare drink any liquids during a meal or for at least 30 minutes afterward, but I'm OK with that.  I just get my water in a to-go cup (because it's just like I like it) and drink it when I'm able.  I have so much energy now!  My zest for life has returned in the most amazing way!

I have been very transparent about my surgery, even before I had it done.  Mainly because that's just how I am, but also because I LOVE to talk about how it changed the course of my life to anyone else who is traveling down the same road. I have actually had people say, "Oh, you took the easy way out."  I hate to say this, but that makes me wanna punch them in the throat!   Obesity is a prison in which too many Americans are held captive.  It doesn't have to be that way, though.  My gastric sleeve, along with my decision to make the necessary lifestyle changes to maintain my weight loss and remain healthy, has set this captive free.  No matter how you slice it, it is a drastic lifestyle changer.  So, in spite of what many think, it is NOT the easy way.  For me, and so many others like me, it was the ONLY way because I had failed at every other way.  

So here I go!  Headed straight for 50, but I plan to arrive there fit and healthy!  I am down to 160 pounds to date.  That's a whopping 71 pounds, or an average adolescent, off my body!  My ultimate goal is to see how 150 looks and feels, but, for the first time in my entire adult life, I am not a slave to the scales.  In fact, I only weigh about every 4-6 weeks now, just out of curiosity.  I am wearing medium tops and pants, and my number size has dropped from 20 to 10!  I LOVE shopping for clothes now ( maybe a little too much), and getting dressed in the mornings is so much fun!

There is absolutely nothing I would do differently if I had it to do all over again.  At first I said I would've done it sooner if I had a redo, but I don't even think that is true now.  I believe it happened at precisely the right time.  I am just so very thankful it happened!

Blessings!

These are the capris (size 18) I wore to my pre-op appointment.  They were TIGHT!

October...

Ahhhh!  October! There is no more wondrous month of the year!  Though the other eleven months possess charm unique to each of them, those 31 days of October captivate my soul with their own particular brand of enchantment!  What is it about October, though that makes my heart go pitter patter more than any other month?  Being the perpetual listmaker that I am, I shall comprise an inventory of the reasons this tenth month of the year is so dear to my heart.

1.  The sky begins to take on an entirely new hue on October 1.  It somehow becomes softer, clearer, crisper.  It is on this day that I usually make multiple trips to the storage building to drag out the many containers packed with pumpkins, witches, and goblins which will decorate my home for the next 31 days.

2.  Sweaters, boots, and scarves!  (Eventually.  After all, this is Texas.)

3.  Columbus Day.  I don't know why, but I've always liked that holiday.  When I was a little girl, we actually didn't have school on Columbus Day.  I have fond memories of the little poem, "Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492..." (I don't remember the rest, but there was something about the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.)

4.  Fall fragrances!  I especially love Mulled Cider, Pumpkin Spice, and apple-anything-or-another. 

5.  Salted Caramel Mocha from Starbucks. PSL just doesn't do for me what that cup of chocolatey, caramelly, salty yumminess does.

6.  Cool, crisp mornings and evenings spent on the patio.

7.  Potpourri.  Now this is a delicacy only known to our family and friends close enough to be privy to its existence.  It is comprised of two simple ingredients...candy corn and cashews (or peanuts).  Many know of this delicious mixture, but few know its "Toddified" name. You're welcome.

8.  The warmth of the heater in my car, especially the first time I turn off the AC.

9.  The moon.  I love the moon year round, but that October moon...  There is none other like it, no matter the phase.

10.  My birthday!  There is just something tangibly different about the way it feels to wake up on the morning of one's birthday.  It's as if you don't realize what day it is right away, but as you begin to rub the sleep from your eyes, there is a gradual realization that this is, in fact, the anniversary of the day on which you landed on this planet, took your first breath, and the clock of your life began to tick. Tick. Tock.  I love my birthday, but who doesn't?  (And if you don't love your birthday, you should definitely reconsider your relationship with this day.  After all, the alternative of having birthdays is, well rather grim.)

This birthday, my last to celebrate on this side of 50, has been one of my best ever!  Last night, as a pre-birthday treat, Emily took me to dinner on the patio of a Mexican restaurant in Abilene.  (I LOVE eating on the patio!)  This morning, as I stumbled into the kitchen for my morning coffee, I was greeted by an adorable metal rooster crafted especially for me by my sweet man. 

 As I pointed my car west to head down the dirt road from my house to the highway, I saw the most brilliant, fullest October moon at the end of the road.  

Just. For. Me.  That same moon followed me to work on my right hand, as the sun peeked over the horizon on my left, painting the sky the most lovely shades of pink, purple, and blue.  I love this photo of the moon over a field of round haybale pumpkins! 

 Although I was at work, my entire day was scattered with birthday wishes and hugs.  It was priceless!

Once I arrived home, I was greeted by my sweet mini Schnauzer, Ellie Mae, and her brother, Buck, the chocolate Lab.  They are always so glad to see me, even if I've only been gone a couple of minutes.  They led me into the kitchen where their daddy had prepared a birthday party, complete with cake, candles, birthday banner, flowers, and a metal rooster with a birthday hat sitting on the barstool!  Made me giddy!  I have the sweetest man in the world!  

So, as the day draws to a close, I am now almost 364 days away from the BIG 5-0.  Another October is also preparing to exit and make way for her sister, November.  In preparation for that monumental anniversary of my birth, I plan to live my life to its absolute fullest!  I will use the good dishes, dance when I feel like it (even if it embarrasses my kids), make time for my man (and myself), visit my relatives, take some photos, write, laugh, cry, hug more, waste less...I will LIVE!  The clock, after all, is ticking.  Let us not waste time.  Tick. Tock.

My Cinderella Moment

Once upon a time, there was a lovely girl named Ella, who was despised by her stepmother and stepsisters because of her beauty.  The evil stepmother made Ella do all the chores, leaving her covered in dust and ash.  Her wicked stepsisters nicknamed her "Cinderella" because of this.

Every little girl, and an untold number of little boys knows the story of Cinderella.  The kind, beautiful daughter who was orphaned by her parents and left to the devices of her insanely jealous step witches…that is, until her fairy godmother granted her the most amazing wish! A beautiful dress, complete with shiny, glass slippers, a sparkling coach pulled by two white horses (who just happened to be mice and Ella's best friends, Gus and Jaq), and a few hours at the Prince's ball.  Of course, as in any fairy tale, there was a condition - Cinderella must return home before the twelfth stroke of midnight.  All magic has limits in fairy tales!

Cinderella.  Although the name was meant to be demeaning, it rolls off the tongue beautifully, and even looks lovely typed on the page.  Four-year-old Missy wanted to be Cinderella so badly, and almost had her chance!  As my stepfather's adoption of me was becoming final, Mom asked me if I would like to change my name.  I vividly remember my excitement as I shouted, "Yes!  I want to be named 'Cinderella-Dressed-In-Yella!'"  My fairy godmother was obviously napping or on vacation at the time, because I was not granted that wish, but rather my last name was changed from Young to Pierce.  

There is a much higher Power than fairy godmothers, however, who has been preparing me for my very own Cinderella moment!  Those who know me or follow my blog (all three of my followers actually do know me, btw), know about my gastric sleeve procedure in October of 2014.  My God, my Father, whose love for me knows no bounds, provided a way for that to happen.  See!  Who needs fairy godmothers when you've got the real Deal working in your life!

My 48th birthday fell just two days before my surgery was scheduled, and my Prince Charming, knowing my dream of wearing the iconic "little black dress," presented me with the most gorgeous, black lace dress to keep as an incentive and goal.  She has hung inside my closet door as a constant reminder of my very own Cinderella moment to come.

This past Friday, I packed her in my suitcase and took her to San Antonio for her big debut - The Little Black Dress Date that once seemed as if it would never happen…was about to come true!

My Charming and I drove the four hours to San Antonio and checked into our room at the Marriott on the Riverwalk.  Our first blessing was an upgrade to the Executive Suite overlooking the Riverwalk!  You might say it was our palace for two nights!  I could hardly wait for our bellhop, Warren, to leave the room so I could commence my squeals of delight!  I did refrain, however, from jumping on the bed!

We did some touristy things that night and during the day on Saturday, both of us anticipating the big event.  Emily had shown me a new way to fix my unruly curls after covering my natural platinum highlights for me earlier in the week, so I anxiously began the ritual of getting ready.  No fairy godmother to wave her magic wand was available.  I couldn't believe how nervous I was!  What if Todd was disappointed?  What if we had built this up so much, and it didn't live up to our expectations?    Get behind me, Satan!  This is our moment!  I pressed on!  (I did, however, have to call Emily for a refresher course on that updo.  She sent me an instructional video.  My fairy goddaughter…)

At last, it was time.  Time to slip on the LBD and allow Todd to see me.  I was trembling as I buckled my shoes (which I can now do without any breathlessness, btw).  I felt like a princess.  My Cinderella moment had arrived.  I believe I was more nervous than on our wedding day!  He waited anxiously for my to emerge from my dressing room (aka the bathroom).

It was a magical moment!  I honestly do not remember a time when I ever felt so glamorous or beautiful!  And then, it was time for my Prince Charming and I to go on our big LBD Date!

We began the evening by walking across the street to Ruth's Chris Steak House on the River.

Dinner was simply amazing!  Delicious steak, with sides of shoestring potatoes for him and fresh asparagus with Hollandaise sauce for me, live music, and great conversation!  After dinner, we asked a couple of strangers to take our photo.

Pretty boring pose, huh?

Then, we went to Howl at the Moon!

We had a blast, but just like Cinderella and Prince Charming, our night on the town was cut short...not by a clock's bell tolling, but by alerts on our phones warning of bad storms coming our way!  We decided we'd better head back to the hotel...FAST!

As we began our journey back to the hotel, WITHOUT our umbrella, the heavens opened up and the wind began to blow with near-hurricane force!  In traditional Cinderella fashion, my shoes came off, although it was intentional on my part.  Like two drowning mice, we scurried down the Riverwalk, laughing and just trying not to fall in the river!  Finally, we arrived back at the Marriott, a little wet, but safe and sound.

The nice lady who snapped this photo for us told us that she had seen us leaving the hotel and had commented to her husband about how pretty I looked, one of the sweetest things a stranger has ever said to me!  She also informed us that downtown San Antonio was under tornado WARNING!!!

It was the perfect ending to a perfectly beautiful night!  It could have "dampened" our spirits (pun intended), but we never stopped smiling!  We asked for a memorable evening, and we certainly got it!  

Cinderella and I do have some things in common, but our similarities go beyond shiny slippers, a dreamy night out, and Prince Charming.  Cinderella was covered in dust and ashes as a result of the cruelty imposed upon her by her wicked stepmonsters, I was covered in 65 extra pounds of ME as a result of years of self-loathing, lack of confidence, and depression.  We each emerged from our own prisons to realize the joys of inhabiting our beauty (not necessarily physical beauty, but instead inner beauty) and living life to its fullest...with our Prince Charmings.  Unlike Cinderella, my story will not have the words "The End" scrolling across the screen, but rather "To Be Continued!"

Dreams really do come true!

Every Moment is Blog-Worthy

Obviously, I will never be able to make a living by blogging.  That is, unless I decide to take a second job as a panhandler or sell plasma regularly on the side.  My last blog post was in FEBRUARY!!!  A lot has happened, but I guess nothing seemed "blog-worthy" enough to sit down and write.  That, or I was just being lazy or busy or something…

Enough of that nonsense!  Every day in which we are blessed to hear the alarm clock, tumble out of bed, breathe in and out, and face ourselves in the mirror - those are the days that are blog-worthy!

The days that are filled with challenges, victories, defeats, laughter, tears, confusion, clarity, accomplishments, screw-ups, fun, boredom, family, friends, work, rest, pleasure, fear, peace…those are worthy of blogging!

Ninety-three days have passed since my last blog post.  That is roughly three months - one-fourth of a year.  How could one possibly think that many days could pass with nothing worthy of blogging about?

I could have blogged about reaching my 50 pound weight loss mark!  And then I could've blogged again at the 60-pound mark.

We have been blessed with so much rain that our four-year drought has officially ended, and the lakes are filling up to levels they haven't seen in FOREVER!  This means we won't have to evacuate because of a lack of water!  Now THERE'S something to blog about!

My aunt and uncle have been called by God to go to Zambia and establish an orphanage.  I could have blogged about how they "wrote a blank check" and handed it to God about a year ago, began praying for Him to use them, and allowed Him to fill in the amount on that check.  Nothing more awesome than blogging about God moving in someone's life!

Many more prayers have been answered in those 93 days!  My sister, Michelle, underwent testing for possible benign tumors, NO TUMORS!!!  My youngest sister, Liz…she's a miracle!  She had a dissected vertebral artery which could have killed her, but it didn't!  My dear friend, Erica McKinney's breast cancer is in remission!!! So much to blog about!

So…from this point forward, I will no longer judge the blogworthiness of my day to day life.  I will consider every single moment, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time, to be a moment worth remembering.  There are, after all, many more "small" events in one's life than those we consider to be spectacular, and it is in those hidden moments we often find the biggest blessings!

Confessions of a Twice-aholic

Because I am the Queen of Rationalization for all my actions, before I made the decision to finance my surgery, I rationalized the new payment by saying, "I spend way more than that on junk food and fast food in a month!  It will balance out."  One factor I could never have foreseen was a new addiction…shoes and clothes!  Merciful Heavens!  I'm in deep, and I have to put my foot down (and stop trying on new shoes) NOW!!!

A couple of months ago, I stumbled upon this amazing website called "Twice" through which one can purchase and sell gently used, name-brand clothing, shoes, and bags.  I was in Heaven!  When I first discovered the site, the clothing was very reasonably priced (although the prices seem to be creeping up with the site's popularity.)  This was perfect because, as fast as my body has been changing, I could not rationalize (no matter how hard I tried) paying full price for clothes that would be too big before they were even laundered once.  I purchased a few pieces here and there - a Calvin Klein blazer, NWT (that's "new with tag" in the second-hand clothing biz), for $17!  I've been able to create a great professional wardrobe for much less than it would have cost retail.  

Now, this might seem like no big deal, but those boxes arrive at my house on at least a weekly basis.  To date, I have purchased 4 pairs of shoes, who-knows-how-many tops, 2 blazers, a couple of pairs of pants, and NO bags!  (I had to throw that in just to make myself feel better!)  My name is Missy, and I'm a Twice-aholic.  Then, as if that weren't enough, I went to the Dillard's shoe sale last weekend and bought FOUR more pairs of shoes!!!  In my defense, though, three of those four are very practical dress shoes, and they were marked down 65%.  (See why I'm the Queen?)

WOW!  This really brings my problem into the light!  I'm so embarrassed by this confession that I may have second thoughts about posting it!  Press on, though, Missy!  Press on!

As I was thinking about this issue this morning, it occurred to me that I have simply replaced one addiction with another.  You see, food is really no longer an addiction or issue to me.  Eating is just something I do to stay alive now, where before my surgery, it was what I lived for.  I acknowledge that my newfound love for shoes and clothes has become my new "craving."  Not healthy, nor what I had hoped for.

I read a wonderful book called "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkhurst about a year ago.  In this book, the author writes that we are all born with an innate craving in our hearts that God intended to be filled by a relationship with Him.  We've heard about that "God-shaped hole."  While the book primarily deals with our tendency to attempt to satisfy that craving with food, it also recognizes the many other fake gods with which we try to fill it - alcohol, sex, material things, SHOES!  All those things may temporarily make us feel "satisfied," but the hole is still there, and often even grows larger.  We are only truly satisfied when we satisfy our craving in communion the Creator and Lover of our souls.

While I was dealing with my addiction to food, I had a lunch bag embroidered with the phrase "Made 2 Crave U."  I'm thinking I need to have a big sign made for my closet with that same phrase...just to remind me that, even though my closet may be filled to overflowing, my heart will remain empty unless I truly crave and chase after Jesus.

May you be blessed, and may your heart be satisfied by Him!

Let That Skinny Girl OUT!!!

I used to have a sign in my kitchen that said, "There's a skinny girl who lives inside of me that's trying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies!"  Until a little over three months ago, that was so true!  And pizza, and ice cream, and Coke, and pasta, and chocolate, and…well, just about anything you can imagine.  I took that sign down, though, and am allowing that girl to emerge from the prison that once held her captive!

One thing I am truly blessed with is a husband who loves me no matter my size, hair color (unless it's burgundy), or even if I choose to stay in my jammies with my hair going every which way (my current attire.)  One thing I am truly cursed with is a self who could not love me the way I was…ever!  In the 7th grade, at about 115 pounds, I went on my first diet because I was "fat."  I was basing that judgment on the fact that no sunlight could be seen between my thighs when I stood with my legs together.  I compared myself to other girls who were, in my eyes, the perfect size.  That was the beginning of a lifelong struggle to measure up to the world's standards.  It was also the beginning of a cycle of self-loathing, yo-yo dieting, and destruction that kept me from living life to the fullest for much of my adult life.

I've tried and temporarily succeeded more weight loss plans and gimmicks than you can shake a stick at…Atkins, Weight Watchers (multiple times and many with success), Metabolic Research, Phen-fen (I was devastated when they took it off the market), Phentermine alone, OTC diet pills, low fat, low carb, that crazy cabbage diet, and even one where you had to eat wieners and beets.  YUCK!!!  The bottom line is that, even though I would often lose 40 pounds or so, I always fell back into my old way of eating and gained back what was lost…PLUS!  It seems that emotions are the most fattening thing we can ever eat!

Last year, though, I could not take it anymore!  At 231 pounds, wearing size 18-20 pants, my feet and my knee could no longer bear my weight without pain; I couldn't walk to my car from work without getting winded; I had no energy, and I had lost all my joy.  I could not bear the pain of seeing what I had done to myself.  It was time to make a permanent change and defeat the demon waging war with my health.  So, on October 29, 2014, I was given a do-over.  The reset button was pushed, and I was given a second chance at life…to the fullest!

My three-month follow up was this past Tuesday.  45 pounds are gone - FOREVER!  Not only that, my body fat percentage dropped from 45.8% pre-op to 39.6%, and I've lost 9 inches in my hips and 6.5 inches in my waist!!!  But what I've lost is not the important part!  What I've gained is self-confidence, self-love, self-esteem.  There is no way to measure that!

Wednesday, as I was drying my hair, I noticed something that I had never seen before.  I texted Emily and said, "You'll never believe what I found when I was drying my hair this morning!"  She replied, "???"  "BICEPS, baby!" was my response!  Welcome to the gun show, ladies and gentlemen!!!  Now granted, they are cap pistols or maybe BB guns at best, but there is certainly some definition!  It's nice to see my hard work at the gym pay off, even in small increments.

So, about that skinny girl…at 48 years old, I realize that being "skinny" is truly not what is important.  Being healthy, however, is everything.  I stopped trying to shut that healthy girl inside of me up with junk food, and have instead chosen to eat and live in such a way that the layers of life-taking fat that have smothered her for so many years are melting off, slowly but surely, allowing her to emerge like a phoenix from the ashes!  I thank God for rescuing me from that pit of despair in which I was comfortably miserable for so long!

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."  Psalm 40:1-3

May you be truly blessed!

Conquering Unfamiliar Territory

A little over a month ago, I entered a world that was quite unfamiliar to me; a world of which I had previously been pretty much terrified.  It is a cold, hard world in which pain is not only acceptable, but desired.  In this world, one might anticipate hearing the clanging of heavy metal, wailing and gnashing of teeth.  It is a house of torture for which people, myself included, pay good money!  That world, as you've probably guessed, is the GYM!

After four sessions with my trainer, however, I am becoming more acclimated to this foreign land…and have bravely begun to explore its resources.  Last week, my friend and I decided we would go to a core workout class.  It couldn't be that bad.  After all, it was only a 30 minute class. No cardio.  Easy breezy, right?  WRONG!!!  

At first, it wasn't so bad.  We did a few yoga-ish moves, some lunges, some squats, typical core moves. Of course, I couldn't do all the moves correctly, but I gave it a good try.  I was feeling pretty good about my efforts until she said the word "plank."  OK.  Now, I really wasn't aware that we would be belly down on the floor, so I didn't bring a mat.  April and I grabbed a towel for this part.  The instructor told us to go to our elbows and "hover."  Now that was tough!  THEN, she had us do this move called a "walking hover" or something like that.  Oh, merciful Heaven!  I am pretty sure that I looked like Patrick the Starfish from SpongeBob flopping around on a beach trying to get back into the ocean!  It was tragic!  I've still got scabs on my elbows from the towel burns that little move caused!  When I finally decided that there was no way on earth I was going to be able to perform this feat, I just lay there on my belly wondering what in the world I had gotten myself into!  It was the longest 30 minutes of my life!  But I survived and was actually able to do my own version of the routines.  I didn't say it was pretty or correct, but I was moving!  Ya gotta start somewhere!  

Each day gets a little easier, and I grow a little more confident.  I try to make sure I work out at least 5 days per week, and although I wouldn't exactly say I'm exactly killing any particular workout, I am making progress.  It makes me feel successful when I feel my muscles ache a little because I have given them a good workout.  I really believe my balance is improving (if you know me, you know that is a good thing!  I am a klutz!), and I do feel stronger!

I worked out with my trainer on Tuesday and, as is the routine, weighed and measured prior to the workout.  My weight was 191.  I officially hit the 40 pound weight loss mark!!!  I also lost over another inch on my hips and my waist!  Celebration time!!!  

Tonight, after Todd and I worked out at Better Bodies, I had him take this photo of my with a 40 pound dumbbell, which was stinking heavy to lift!  

It is hard to believe that 2 1/2 months ago, that much extra weight was on my body!  It is no wonder my feet and knee stayed so angry!  What a relief that I could just put that dumbbell back on the rack and walk away from those 40 pounds…never looking back!  This journey just keeps getting better and better!

Blessings!