Empty Nest…Again

September 29.  Today marks the beginning of a series of major life changes scheduled to take place in my otherwise ordinary life.  I will just begin with what is actually happening today.  Emily, my youngest, is leaving the nest…again.  This beautiful, free-spirited child of mine could not wait to fly out and begin her own journey when she graduated high school!  Independence and Adventurer are her unofficial middle names. (D'Shea is her official middle name, about which she has never been completely happy. But that's a whole blog entry of it own.)  She flew through many adventures, landing back in the nest a couple of times to regroup.  The details of that journey are hers to share, but my role in that journey is that of the mother whose nest has been emptied more times than should legally be allowed.

"Empty Nest" syndrome is very real.  We bring these little angels into our lives who are fully dependent upon us, only to have them morph into younger versions of ourselves (with attitude and confidence on steroids).  Those mini-me's begin tugging against the reins of our influence at the exact same time their bodies and minds are developing at awkwardly warped speed.  Before we can adapt to these mirror images of us we are loading their belongings into the back of a pick-up and waving good-bye as they drive off into the sunset.  That leaves us, the parents, the nurturers, picking up the pieces of our hearts off the ground and trying to help each other piece them back together into something new that isn't wrapped around that human being who has been the center of our universe for the past 17-18 years.  The first time this happened, when our eldest, Eric, moved away to college, I probably would have moved in with him if I could have.  Of course, that would have been weird, but HEY! Desperate times call for desperate measures!

OK.  I know I tend to have a flare for the dramatic, but isn't this essentially what takes place?  At the end of this day, Todd and I will have experienced this phenomenon a total of 5 times…with 2 children! And though the first two times were the hardest, each time requires a period of adjustment…and a period of recovery after moving furniture!  We aren't getting any younger after all!  We are, however, very proud of both of our kiddos!  Both are business owners, responsible, and terrific human beings!  We are enjoying watching them "become".

More change is coming, too!  I start a new, exciting job one week from today!  And ONE MONTH FROM TODAY, I am going to do something that will forever change my life!  Don't let the suspense kill ya!  Stay tuned!

Now I must put on my tennies and get ready for some seriously hard work!  It's moving time!

Step 1

Vulnerable. Complex. A little (or a LOTtle) Wacky. If I were asked to describe myself in three words, those MIGHT be my choices. Many of you journeyed with me last fall as I ditched sugar in my 21 day sugar detox. What you didn't see was how I plummeted back into my pit of bondage during my Dad's illness and subsequent death. It's the typical story...one enchilada plate at Abuelo's leads to a cheeseburger and fries, which lead to a downward spiral back into the abyss from which I had been rescued. Before you know it, eating healthy, wholesome foods doesn't seem enticing because you are so numbed by sugar and toxins in the man-made foods that you can't even feel the agony in your own body. It's crying out to you; begging you to stop! Silently shouting, "ENOUGH!"

I can no longer ignore those cries. This aching, exhausted, dying body of mine can take no more. Food has been my god for too long. I have made a conscious and deliberate decision to change my lifestyle...for good. This transparency takes more guts than one can ever imagine, because I have tried and failed so many times. To do this publicly, yet again, is a little terrifying, to say the very least.

This time is different. This time, I understand that I cannot do this in my own strength. I am getting to the deep roots of my addiction to food, my self-loathing, my feelings of inadequacy. This time, it's not so much about losing weight (although I would be lying if I said that wasn't one of the main benefits I'm hoping for). This time, I want to GAIN! I want to GAIN a closer, completely dependent relationship with God. I want to GAIN strength: physical, spiritual, emotional. I want to GAIN confidence in knowing that I AM good enough, and that I don't have to be perfect because I am made perfect through Christ Jesus! I want to GAIN time - time on this earth in a healthy body to enjoy the multitude of blessings God has given me. I want to GAIN, yet lose myself in Him!

Because of my apologetic nature, I am tempted to apologize for the length or content of this post, but I offer no apologies. I KNOW there are others out there who struggle with similar issues to mine, and if just one person is touched, and a life can be changed through the sharing of my journey, HALLELUJAH!!! This battle I wage is not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities of darkness. This battle belongs to the LORD! He goes before me and guards behind me. His desire is for me to be healthy and strong. I declare that for myself and for anyone who is reading this and needs to hear it.

So, for anyone who wants to join me in this journey, COME ON! If posts like mine drive you crazy, don't read them. I won't bore you with what I ate for lunch or what workout I just did. I simply desire to share my heart, encourage those of you who need it, and receive any encouragement you feel led to give. Every journey begins with a single step (can't remember who said that). This is step 1.

I scream! You scream! We all scream for ICE CREAM!!!

Today, I decided to make ice cream!  Not traditional ice cream, but healthy, good-for-me, ice cream!  Since I can now eat fruit, today was definitely the day.  So I gathered the ingredients:

Fresh strawberries, raw organic honey, organic non-GMO coconut milk, vanilla (not pictured), and my awesome Ninja food processor.  The coconut milk separates into cream and water in the can, so you want to be sure not to mix it all up because you only use the cream for this delicious dessert.  Mix together in the bowl of the Ninja the coconut cream from 2 cans, 1/3 cup of the honey, 1 1/2 to 2 cups of sliced strawberries, and 1 teaspoon of vanilla.  

Blend until it becomes like a liquid.  A few bits of strawberries will only make it better!

My Cuisinart ice cream/yogurt maker began working its magic on the mixture.  You can also freeze the mixture in ice cube trays and then mix it in the processor when you are ready to eat it, or you can just freeze it in a bowl, but it just won't be as creamy.

 Here it is almost mixed up! I couldn't wait to taste it so I dipped my spoon in a couple of times!

...and Voila!  A pink bowl of deliciousness just for mE! 

As I was texting my dear friend, Marla, about my new discovery, I said, "I just can't believe all the good things I've been missing out on!"  Her reply was, "You're doing great!  Don't look back!"  God gave me an epiphany at that very moment:  

How can I look back when I have so much to look forward to?!?

Sweet Blessings!

Ghost of Diets Past

I thoroughly enjoyed spending a few hours with my favorite aunt, Shelia Holmes, rearranging our booth at Kaleidoscope, eating a yummy lunch together, and just catching up today! Sometimes people underestimate the power of face-to-face interaction with loved ones! It refreshes the soul!

I have to say, I feel a little terrified by the thought of my 21 day sugar detox being over! Under its umbrella, I knew there were certain things that I just simply couldn't have. Now that I'm "on my own," I am afraid of myself, my will. I have prayed for a keen sense of knowing what is good for my body and what is not. Now that the toxins of sugar and artificial sweeteners have been cleansed from my body, I am more sensitive to these cues, but still have to test the waters a little. The ghost of diets past wants to remind me of my failures and make me relive them. The Ghost of diet future, my God who has already walked the path before me, desires to see me succeed! I'm choosing to trust Him! After all, I'm human, and humans are untrustworthy!

About a year ago, I read 1 Cor. 10:23, "Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial." Now that I am living the lifestyle for which the detox prepared me, I think that keeping this Scripture close to my heart might be a really smart thing! I have no real restrictions placed on what I can eat or drink, but not everything is good for me! Later in the chapter in verse 31, it says, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." There you have it!
Blessings!

The First Day of the Rest of My Life!

 With my first-ever 21 day sugar detox behind me, and the rest of my life before me, I celebrate! The past 3 weeks have been so eye-opening and liberating, and I am thrilled to say that I cannot imagine ever going back to eating with the same reckless abandon as before! 

I bought groceries at Market Street today in Wichita Falls, and filled my basket with veggies and FRUIT!!! I have been so excited about getting to eat the sweet, deliciousness that is found in watermelon, grapes, red apples, strawberries, and oranges! Remember though, even nature's candy must be consumed in moderation. 

Last night, I spent the night with my daughter and son-in-law in Wichita Falls, and we celebrated! I love Fuzzy's Taco Shop! LOVE! My old standby is the tempura (aka fried) fish tacos, and their queso is fabulous! I did the impossible...I ordered a salad! A DELICIOUS salad with grilled shrimp! Now, I did eat some chips and queso, but I didn't go crazy.
VICTORY!!!

After dinner, we went to Orange Leaf for fro yo. I asked the guy for a little cup for tasting, and he gave me 5. I just assumed that meant I could try 5 or more flavors, so...I did! I looked up and Em and Blake were laughing at me. I guess I got a little carried away. Those taste tests were more than enough, so next time I think I'll just ask for taste cups for however many flavors there are and be done with it! I might have to go by myself for that, though! Tee Hee!

Anyway...Here's to a life of freedom!
Blessings!

Day 21 of 21DSD

Aug 29, 2013 - Day 21 of 21DSD: You know what that means? My detox is almost officially complete!!! What does that mean? Well, it DOESN'T mean that I'm going to go out and have a greasy, sugary meal loaded with bad foods to celebrate as I would've in the past! It means that my body is cleansed and ready to begin this new lifestyle of eating clean, real foods! To tell you the truth, I'm a little terrified to eat any differently than I have these past 21 days! I feel so amazing that I don't want to mess that up! I AM excited about a glass of pomegranate wine tonight, though!

I went ahead and weighed this morning and only lost 0.2 pounds. The good news is that's a total of 11 pounds in 3 weeks!!! After I stepped off the scales, I asked myself (out loud), "Now, how are you going to handle this?" Of course, I was hoping for another couple of pounds or so! I made a conscious effort to push that number out of my mind. I mentioned in a prior post that we cannot let the scales define us! I know that I made good food choices, drank plenty of water, and moved more. That's all I need to know! That is how I measure my success. PLUS! We started that squat challenge! That's it! I gained 2 pounds of muscle mass! Haha!

Because this has been so therapeutic for me and has seemed to inspire others to strive for better health, I think I'll keep posting! I'm also going to get serious about following through with a blog. It is nice to have a cyber community of encouragers and kindred spirits who can share encouragement and struggles, so I'm going for it! My aunt, Shelia has inspired and encouraged me to do this for years, and I think it might be time.

I also want to thank Shelia, my son, Eric and daughter-in-law, Caitlin, and my best friend Marla Panzer for modeling a healthier lifestyle and encouraging me to take control of my life by moving more and eating real food!  Todd, my sweet hubby, and Emily (daughter), thanks for being my biggest cheerleaders! Becoming a regular at Better Bodies Gym and Fitness is my next goal, and I can't wait to get stronger and fitter!

Wow! I feel like I just wrote an acceptance speech for an Oscar! In a way, I guess this is an acceptance speech! I accept this lifestyle of clean eating and adopt it as my own. I take responsibility for the choices I make and offer my body as a living sacrifice to the One who set me free from the bondage of a food addiction! I challenge you to accept this mindset in your own life and take control of your body! This is not the end...it is only the beginning!
Blessings! — feeling free.

Day 20 of 21DSD

Aug 28, 2013 - Day 20 of SD: Today was an awesome day! Work was great! The people I work with are fantastic! I felt really good, too! An interesting thing happened on my way home from work, also. I was CRAVING a cobb salad with that yummy avocado lime ranch dressing from Chick-fil-a, (yeah! I craved a salad) so I pulled in the drive thru and excitedly ordered my delicious salad and a large unsweet tea with lemon! Of course, I couldn't wait an hour till I got home to eat it, and I didn't want to waste time before I got home, so I did what any law-abiding, conscientious citizen would do...I cut that chicken up on my salad, drizzled my dressing across the greens, tossed it around a little, and took off down the road! In hindsight, driving and salads don't actually make a good combo, but I was hungry and ready to get home! All was well for about 4 bites, but then I dumped that entire beautiful salad into my lap! Smooth move, Ex-Lax! Now this might gross you out a bit, and you may never think the same of me again, but I pulled over (safety first, lol) and scooped that salad back into the bowl, wiped off my pants and the steering wheel with a wet one, and continued my journey home...and my dinner. Don't judge me!

I never thought there would ever come a day when I pulled through a drive thru and ordered a salad without even thinking about how badly I wanted something else! Another victory!!! Today, I had a random confession time with a friend and colleague, and admitted something I had never spoken out loud before. I was so obsessed with food that you might even say it was my idol! I ate in secret. It was nothing for me to pull through that same Chick-fil-a drive thru and order a regular CFA sandwich with large fries, Chick-fil-a sauce, and a large Coke (easy ice because you get more Coke that way) to eat on the way home. Then, if I was in the mood, I might stop at Sonic or DQ in Anson and order a hot fudge shake or hot fudge blizzard. The kicker is that I would try to HIDE my evidence before I got home. I often tossed my trash in the dumpster before I drove into the driveway so my family wouldn't know what I had eaten. It made me feel so much better to get that off my chest, but it was so hard to admit! Poor Nancy Ochs just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time! Thanks, Nanc!

The enemy likes for us to keep those deep, dark secrets, though! He is better able to hold us captive and torture us in a dark, hidden dungeon where we can neither be seen nor heard. When the Light starts to shine in on us, we are revived and the darkness flees! The same is true for our hidden sins and shames. Today, when I released that secret into the light, another shackle was broken, and another bucketload of dirt was thrown into the pit that was once my prison!

It's almost here! Tomorrow is DAY 21!!! Blessings!