Vulnerable.
Complex. A little (or a LOTtle) Wacky. If I were asked to describe
myself in three words, those MIGHT be my choices. Many of you journeyed
with me last fall as I ditched sugar in my 21 day sugar detox. What
you didn't see was how I plummeted back into my pit of bondage during my
Dad's illness and subsequent death. It's the typical story...one
enchilada plate at Abuelo's leads to a
cheeseburger and fries, which lead to a downward spiral back into the
abyss from which I had been rescued. Before you know it, eating healthy,
wholesome foods doesn't seem enticing because you are so numbed by
sugar and toxins in the man-made foods that you can't even feel the
agony in your own body. It's crying out to you; begging you to stop!
Silently shouting, "ENOUGH!"
I can no longer ignore those
cries. This aching, exhausted, dying body of mine can take no more.
Food has been my god for too long. I have made a conscious and
deliberate decision to change my lifestyle...for good. This
transparency takes more guts than one can ever imagine, because I have
tried and failed so many times. To do this publicly, yet again, is a
little terrifying, to say the very least.
This time is
different. This time, I understand that I cannot do this in my own
strength. I am getting to the deep roots of my addiction to food, my
self-loathing, my feelings of inadequacy. This time, it's not so much
about losing weight (although I would be lying if I said that wasn't one
of the main benefits I'm hoping for). This time, I want to GAIN! I
want to GAIN a closer, completely dependent relationship with God. I
want to GAIN strength: physical, spiritual, emotional. I want to GAIN
confidence in knowing that I AM good enough, and that I don't have to be
perfect because I am made perfect through Christ Jesus! I want to GAIN
time - time on this earth in a healthy body to enjoy the multitude of
blessings God has given me. I want to GAIN, yet lose myself in Him!
Because of my apologetic nature, I am tempted to apologize for the
length or content of this post, but I offer no apologies. I KNOW there
are others out there who struggle with similar issues to mine, and if
just one person is touched, and a life can be changed through the
sharing of my journey, HALLELUJAH!!! This battle I wage is not against
flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities of darkness.
This battle belongs to the LORD! He goes before me and guards behind
me. His desire is for me to be healthy and strong. I declare that for
myself and for anyone who is reading this and needs to hear it.
So, for anyone who wants to join me in this journey, COME ON! If posts
like mine drive you crazy, don't read them. I won't bore you with what
I ate for lunch or what workout I just did. I simply desire to share
my heart, encourage those of you who need it, and receive any
encouragement you feel led to give. Every journey begins with a single
step (can't remember who said that). This is step 1.
